Holding On To Her Identity by Sammie Marsalli

One of the greatest fears of Alzheimer’s home caregivers is that their loved one will lose complete recognition of them.

This was the one thing I was so terrified of when my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She could forget who she is and lose all sense of self. If that happened, she wouldn’t recognize me, her three kids, or any member of her family anymore. Many of us, without any information, assume this is a common occurrence with Alzheimer’s, and this was my horror. I was scared to death.

Holding on to her identity, protecting it in any way I could, was my obsession. Every minute of every day I was with her, I began tireless interaction with her as her 24/7 home caregiver. I knew she might forget who she was at any time.

Even the neurologists couldn’t say when or if this would happen. There was no road map to follow, as every victim reacts differently in their behavior changes with Alzheimer’s. I only had memories of the movies we have all seen where the Alzheimer’s victim is staring at blank space and doesn’t know who they are or where they are. My whole life, my being, and passion became dedicated to stopping that from happening.

Professional help and guidance from support groups are always welcomed, but they cannot be available in “real-time” when radical behavior changes occur. Only home caregivers can respond when they happen.

I was alone in protecting her ability to know who she was in our family. What I was doing may not work for another Alzheimer’s caregiver of a loved one. “What worked for me, may not work for you.” We are each on our own in discovering how to interact with behavior changes and to protect their self-identity because there are no two victims with behavioral changes exactly like. They vary and are subject to the particular stage of Alzheimer’s they might be in.

• Discover the unique and personal strategies an Alzheimer’s caregiver, husband, invented to hold on to her identity. None of these activities were medically advised because medical advice isn’t available for caregivers when radical behavioral changes happen at the moment. Only home caregivers can respond.
• Readers will learn how an Alzheimer’s home caregiver, created activities and therapies to make sure his wife knew who she was and who each family member was.
• What were the everyday activities that promoted interaction and confirmed self-identity?
• How was he able to interact with his wife, even though she was unable to speak? How was she able to reach out to him
• Witness the mitigation of intermittent “blank stare” moments.
• Find out what events led to her identity being preserved?

“Holding On To Her Identity Losing My Wife To Alzheimer's is an inside look at how an Alzheimer’s caregiver’s experiences helped him become his wife’s protector and defender of her self-identity while racing against the Alzheimer’s clock.