Did you bring the salt?
A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war.
It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins.
At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious.
Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy.
Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally?
This is the first novel in a humorous fantasy trilogy. Each book continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three. They're not stand-alones!
Also available: an omnibus edition containing all three titles, and an audiobook edition of the whole trilogy.
Simon Haynes is the author of thirty novels, most in the science fiction and fantasy genre.